Doug Holyday,

When I was a little boy, I took the bus downtown every Sunday to visit my mother. This forced me to see how other people lived, people who were different from me. It was horrible. I have yet to overcome the scars from this trauma.

Thank you sir, for not forcing a condo developer to devote 10 percent of its units to three-bedroom, family-friendly dwellings, and stating clearly that downtown Toronto is “really not the ideal place that people might want to raise their families.”

Children are a nuisance. Do we need one more verse of “The wheels on the bus go round and round” to confirm that kids are just anti-subway activists? We all know that every time they chant their surface transit slogans, they get another payoff of juice boxes and cookies from their fatcat TTC union bosses.

And parents are just diabolical. The very concept of mixing the genetic structure of two taxpayers, to produce one non-taxpayer, is nothing short of treason.

But let us take this a step further. Let’s ban children from downtown. Let’s force parents to wear blue and pink armbands when they enter the city and allow merchants to deny them service. Eliminating families will also free up space for driving and parking, thus ending the war on cars.

This will move Toronto closer to being like other great cities, such as Tokyo, New York or Montreal, which are only occupied by young, single, childless people.

Your fan,

Dr. Prof. Cornelius P. Mintz

p.s. Subways subways subways.